To My Firstborn


Parenting / Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

Dear “First,”

You are my pride and joy, the one who made me “Mom.”

You constantly keep me on my toes and teach me right from wrong.

I’m sorry I seem so lost at times; you’re a puzzle I thought I knew.

But instead, you’ve been an experiment. And mistakes? I’ve made quite a few.

One book tells me we should cuddle, another says cry it out.

A friend says speak in soft tones, I’m so sorry when I shout.

You see, this assignment isn’t an easy one, and, while I knew it wouldn’t be,

I never knew just how hard Mothering could be for me.

I’m so sorry for all the times I say “Sh!” or “Not right now!”

when all you want is my attention, to say “Beautiful!” and “Wow!”

I say sorry, not so much for you, you’re too young to hold a grudge.

I say sorry more for myself; this mom guilt will not budge.

I’m sorry for not taking the time to treasure each moment passing.

Because, as you grow (much too fast!) those memories are not lasting.

I mourn the days turning to years; seconds into a lifetime.

My heart breaks as your “baby-hood” matures to more grown-up pastimes.

I’m sorry for being harder on you; expecting so much from someone so little.

For turning everything into a “lesson learned,” instead of sitting back, enjoying your giggle.

We’ll figure this out, you and me, with more mistakes along the way.

I’m just sorry, since you are the first, you take the brunt, everyday.

As time continues to slip away, faster and faster it seems,

I pray I can be your best Mommy, and truly discover what that means.

 

Lord bless this busyness ~ Jenn

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